Headed to VA...

What a nightmare four weeks!!!! Ben and I have faced some complete nightmares over the past four weeks and believe it or not, we are ALMOST on the other side! RAINBOW in sight!!! As I look back I know my faith in the Lord, lot's of prayers, great friends and family have allowed us to make it through this experience. Yesterday was an extremely trying day for us, we closed on the house and spent the day in fear that an emergency restraining order would be signed to prohibit us from taking Sarah from the state of TN. Thank the Lord, for what ever reason that did not take place and we were able to leave. I feel as if I need to just fall to my knees in prayer, thanking God for allowing us to have our daughter. This has been an emotional roller coaster for us and FINALLY we are beginning a new life together.

Thank you to each of you for all your prayers and concern. God is so wonderful and through his love all things are possible!


"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"
Philippians 4:13

Moving Day

Today is a bitter sweet day in our journey! I came home last night to everything packed up in the house and realized the final day has come. I have spent most all of my life in little ole Clarksville and the transition to the "big city" life is going to be one of an adventure and new beginning for Ben and I. I never imagined I could go through just about every emotion known to man within a few hours, but I I believe when the movers showed up this morning and started loading the truck, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Tyler, came up the steps and asked if he could keep the clothes rack in his room. I just about broke out in tears, realizing, my baby is graduating today and he is starting his on journey in life. It seems they grow up so fast that you hardly have time to enjoy them when they are young, because you have to work so hard to care for them. I always wondered what it would feel like letting go of my first child, I am not sure you can prepare for the sick feeling in your belly that comes with that day.

As I reflect back on the past years, I find myself very humbled and blessed. Today, as my Tyler Steven walks across the graduation line, I will wear a pink ribbon for Tyler Steven Dossett, who you will remember lost his life in April and will not have the chance to walk across that line. My family was very shaken by his loss and we will remember and honor him as well today in our prayers and thoughts.

My hopes are that I have been a good example for my child and as he goes off on his journey in life, he will remember what he has learned and keep Christ close in his life

Proverbs - Chapter 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

As Ben and I leave next week from Clarksville, we are beginning a new chapter in our life and look forward to the joys that the Lord will bring us.

This picture was taken in Florida a few years ago, it was one of my favorite memories of our family together... I will miss Tyler soooooo much!!!

VISIT TO THE DOCTOR TODAY

Today just seemed to drag on forever. I went to the doctor around noon just to be poked a little more and do more blood testing, one specific test was the ANA test that will officially confirm the diagnosis of Lupis. While at the Doctor today they also mentioned Erythmia Nodosum, however in reading up on it I have learned that your white count is normally elevated and mine was pretty low. I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday to get the result of those test and will be meeting with the Rheumatologist next week.

When I started this blog it was to track Ben and my walk in faith with Jesus, I never realized I would come under attack by so many things in life, let alone my health. I am slowly realizing walking with God means you really must be pretty tough and have a understanding that no matter what happens to you, MY GOD IS ALWAYS there for me! I have recently become attached to a song I hear every morning on Way FM, it is called: Something Heavenly, by Sanctus Real. This song TOTALLY describes what is going on in Ben and my life and I know that the internal struggle inside is a sign of Something Heavenly going on and it is pretty exciting!!!


Something Heavenly

It's time for healing time to move on It's time to fix what's been broken too long Time make right what has been wrong It's time to find my way to where I belong There's a wave that's crashing over me All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]

Whatever you're doing inside of me It feels like chaos somehow there's peace It's hard to surrender to what I can't see but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestoneTime to begin againRevaluate who I really amAm I doing everything to follow your willor just climbing aimlessly over these hillsSo show me what it is you want from meI give everything I surrender...To...

[Chorus]

Time to face upClean this old houseTime to breathe in and let everything outThat I've wanted to say for so many yearsTime to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of meIt feels like chaos but I believeYou're up to something bigger than meLarger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of meIt feels like chaos but now I can seeThis something bigger than meLarger than life something heavenly

Something heavenlyIt's time to face upClean this old houseTime breathe in and let everything out [ Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

Ok... so I prayed for the end of the week to hurry up and come, but never realizing I would actually become ill as the weekend approached. I now have finally been tested to the limit and with all my might I am going to stay strong and know the Lord is going to take care of me. Yesterday was very tough without Ben being here with me. Just got home from a long overnight stay at the hospital with a ton of poking and prodding!!! What I thought were a few mosquito bites turned into huge lesions with so much joint and bone pain throughout my body, that I couldn't hardly walk for the past two day's from all the swelling. They finally came to a conclusion this morning that I have some form of Lupis and am going in tomorrow for further testing. I am feeling not as weak today, thank goodness for drugs, but I can still barely walk from all the swelling. It didn't even occur to me that it was mothers day, until I got a text from Ben this morning, wishing me happy Mother's day. Funny how when your not feeling up to par, you sorta forget what day it even is. So for the moment I am bound to keeping my tootsies elevated and resting for the day, ha! Fat chance of that with Emma and Will and Abbey running circles around me. :) Happy Mothers day to me! Happy Mothers day to all of you that are blessed to be a Mom! Which includes my beautiful Mom and the wonder Mother of my husband.


Several of you have asked if I have a picture of my legs to show people you know who are in the medical field, I will post what what I have on here and let me know what you find out, as they are still stumped by all the results of my blood test and not 100% sure on the diagnosis, as they have never seen a case like this before.

Friday and WORN OUT

It is finally Friday and I feel completely worn out. It seems that I am so good at giving everyone else advice about slowing down and enjoying life, but I don't seem to be able to follow my own directions. I have been burdened by so many things in the past weeks and everything seems to finally be falling into place for Ben and I. Many of you have been praying for our family and our situation with Sarah. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier for Sarah and she has gone through a MAJOR transition this past weekend and I would ask that you continue to pray for peace and understanding for all of us. She is the most precious child and I find myself in tears when I think about how it is her father and I that have caused her so much grief. Divorce simply isn't a solution for children, it seems to be such a trend in today's society and if you don't like one, you try another one. I pray that my children learn from my mistakes and that they will see the love that Ben and I share with one another and know our relationship is the kind of Love God intends for a marriage, you must love the Lord FIRST!

On another note, we GOT A HOUSE at Belvoir! I am excited that we were able to sell our home and also get a house on post at Belvoir the same week. God is GREAT!!!

Our New Home 9919 Rossell Loop, Ft. Belvoir, VA

We will be closing on our home on the 26th here in TN and moving in our new home on June 5th. As Ben says we will be suitcase living for a couple of weeks, but that is perfectly ok, knowing we have a home almost ready for us.

We give praise and thanks to You, O God, we praise and give thanks; Your wondrous works declare that Your Name is near and they who invoke Your Name rehearse Your wonders. Psalm 75: 1

The Beginning of our New Life

This morning, I woke up with so much on my mind that I just gave up trying to sleep. So much on my mind right now and so much going on.

We're supposed to drive up to Virginia today. We're heading over to Knoxville to stay the night with my aunt and uncle and then continue up tomorrow morning to get on the housing list so that I can provide a home for my family. It's VERY scary and if we don't get housing quickly, I don't know what we'll do. With the potential to have LOTS of kids at the house this summer, it will be interesting without a home, but God will provide.

I've got Sarah on my mind and her future. She's so fragile right now. I think yesterday was a big turning point in her life and I hope that she makes the right decision to come stay with us in Virginia. The day that she came and told us that she didn't want to go with us changed my relationship with her. I was so disappointed, but tried to understand her wishes to remain with her dad. Moving is tough on a child at that age. She's my princess and will always be. There are so many opportunities for this beautiful girl in a new state and a new school. I just hope I can re-establish that relationship I once had with her.

I also have Gus on my mind and his future. The mediation 4 days ago went in our favor. The power of prayer is amazing. Just a quick one never hurts. We now have custody of this wonderful child that I have missed with all my heart. He wants to be with his daddy and it's coming together on the positive side for all of us. His brother, Galen, on the other hand, will be remaining with his mother in Indiana. Maybe one day he'll want to be with us, but at this point in his life he has chosen to stay with Mom, and I've granted him his wish. He will be the big brother to his up-coming little sister, and I pray daily that he will do well in the next few years. His mother and I have both agreed to be cordial to each other and keep each other informed of everything that goes on in both boys' lives. I feel very fortunate that she is agreeing to everything, and I honestly wish her the best.

Divorce -- the gift that keeps on giving. The children are the ones that suffer the most and it's so difficult for them to understand.

Today will be my last day at our church. Brother Larry is such an incredible speaker, and unfortunately, it looks like he won't be here today and our marriage counselor will be speaking to us this morning. We've started going to the Family Life Center and listening to Jamie Worley and his band play in the mornings. What a FANTASTIC way to start a worship service. We're so blessed to have some amazing musicians in the church and I will miss them. I just hope that we can find something that compares to this church that has recently changed me and made me think about my future and what it holds for me. I just wish I knew what God was telling me. I'm sure I'll figure it out someday.


~~ Benjamin ~~

TALK ABOUT ALL GROWN UP

Sarah had her first formal dance tonight for her final 8th grade dance before going into high school as Hannah went to her Junior Prom. WOW 4 formal in a month! Not to mention all my babies are growing up. Sarah looks as old as her sister and they are three years apart. It is so difficult to watch your children getting older and not far from being an adult. I honestly thought it would be harder watching the girls go off to college, but lately I have found myself in tears with the thought Tyler is only three weeks away from graduation. Where in the world did the time go?!?!?!