Each Day I reflect back on what I have to be grateful for from the day before. We had a beautiful, record breaking snow yesterday of 27 inches. Now first waking up this morning at first glance I had a hard time feeling grateful, one, trying to figure out how we were going to dig out one, to finish shopping and two, are we EVER going to make it home to TN?!?!?! I then realized I really am home! It is right here with my husband and children. Now with that being said, I surly miss my Tyler and Hannah and can't wait to see them.

Today I am so grateful that the Lord has given me a wonderful husband and beautiful children!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5:16-18)

Catching up

Today is the first day I have posted in a very long time. It seems that the world around me has gotten so busy, that I have lost track of how wonderful it felt to journal my thoughts.

I was sitting in Sunday school today and couldn't stay focused for the life of me. I have crammed so much in my life, that I spend every moment I can to pre-plan the next moment. How is it that we get so busy that we can't find time to slow down and enjoy the beauty around us that God has made. I am so grateful for having a good paying job, however it consumes my life and I find myself wondering how much am I sacrificing my time with God and my family, just to pay the bills and live. Is there a way out without going broke? Today I will pray for the answers that will bring some peace of mind to our family.

Tomorrow I will spend some time blogging about our past few months and our wonderful Thanksgiving with family.

A New Beginning

I often wonder what a new beginning means anymore, is it starting over, changing something existing, or scratching all that you know and begin a new journey. I believe at some point over the past few weeks I have felt at one point or another all of these descriptions have fit my life. Moving certainly is never easy and Ben and I have been tried in every way possible. It has been very tough with all the challenges that we have faced each day.

I seem to have good and bad days with all my medical issues, but I am determined to find the answers and move on with my life. I am frustrated about not being able to do everything I want and am determined not to give up! I will finally get to see a specialist next week and get some much needed resolution! Hopefully! Fingers crossed.

As far as the kido’s they are having a blast meeting all the kids in the neighborhood. Even Sarah has made some new buddies. I pray for her daily and her ability to see that she belongs here with Ben and I, rather than Clarksville with her dad. It is my desire for her to have a Christian home to thrive in; I ask that each of you continue to pray for our transition with Sarah. Court will soon be coming up if she doesn’t decide to stay. The emotional and financial burden our family has been immense! God is good and I know there is power in numbers of prayer.

On a work note, I just got back from the CCA convention in Florida and I will start traveling next week back and forth to the TN area. Talk about a new change, WOW!

I am going to end with a scripture that has been on my mind this week:

Jesus Christ never changes! He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

Although everything around us is constantly changing, his love for us remains constant! What comfort that gives me in times of need.

Christi

Will being cool!!!

Kids at the National Harbor

Headed to VA...

What a nightmare four weeks!!!! Ben and I have faced some complete nightmares over the past four weeks and believe it or not, we are ALMOST on the other side! RAINBOW in sight!!! As I look back I know my faith in the Lord, lot's of prayers, great friends and family have allowed us to make it through this experience. Yesterday was an extremely trying day for us, we closed on the house and spent the day in fear that an emergency restraining order would be signed to prohibit us from taking Sarah from the state of TN. Thank the Lord, for what ever reason that did not take place and we were able to leave. I feel as if I need to just fall to my knees in prayer, thanking God for allowing us to have our daughter. This has been an emotional roller coaster for us and FINALLY we are beginning a new life together.

Thank you to each of you for all your prayers and concern. God is so wonderful and through his love all things are possible!


"I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me"
Philippians 4:13

Moving Day

Today is a bitter sweet day in our journey! I came home last night to everything packed up in the house and realized the final day has come. I have spent most all of my life in little ole Clarksville and the transition to the "big city" life is going to be one of an adventure and new beginning for Ben and I. I never imagined I could go through just about every emotion known to man within a few hours, but I I believe when the movers showed up this morning and started loading the truck, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Tyler, came up the steps and asked if he could keep the clothes rack in his room. I just about broke out in tears, realizing, my baby is graduating today and he is starting his on journey in life. It seems they grow up so fast that you hardly have time to enjoy them when they are young, because you have to work so hard to care for them. I always wondered what it would feel like letting go of my first child, I am not sure you can prepare for the sick feeling in your belly that comes with that day.

As I reflect back on the past years, I find myself very humbled and blessed. Today, as my Tyler Steven walks across the graduation line, I will wear a pink ribbon for Tyler Steven Dossett, who you will remember lost his life in April and will not have the chance to walk across that line. My family was very shaken by his loss and we will remember and honor him as well today in our prayers and thoughts.

My hopes are that I have been a good example for my child and as he goes off on his journey in life, he will remember what he has learned and keep Christ close in his life

Proverbs - Chapter 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

As Ben and I leave next week from Clarksville, we are beginning a new chapter in our life and look forward to the joys that the Lord will bring us.

This picture was taken in Florida a few years ago, it was one of my favorite memories of our family together... I will miss Tyler soooooo much!!!

VISIT TO THE DOCTOR TODAY

Today just seemed to drag on forever. I went to the doctor around noon just to be poked a little more and do more blood testing, one specific test was the ANA test that will officially confirm the diagnosis of Lupis. While at the Doctor today they also mentioned Erythmia Nodosum, however in reading up on it I have learned that your white count is normally elevated and mine was pretty low. I have a follow up appointment on Wednesday to get the result of those test and will be meeting with the Rheumatologist next week.

When I started this blog it was to track Ben and my walk in faith with Jesus, I never realized I would come under attack by so many things in life, let alone my health. I am slowly realizing walking with God means you really must be pretty tough and have a understanding that no matter what happens to you, MY GOD IS ALWAYS there for me! I have recently become attached to a song I hear every morning on Way FM, it is called: Something Heavenly, by Sanctus Real. This song TOTALLY describes what is going on in Ben and my life and I know that the internal struggle inside is a sign of Something Heavenly going on and it is pretty exciting!!!


Something Heavenly

It's time for healing time to move on It's time to fix what's been broken too long Time make right what has been wrong It's time to find my way to where I belong There's a wave that's crashing over me All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]

Whatever you're doing inside of me It feels like chaos somehow there's peace It's hard to surrender to what I can't see but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestoneTime to begin againRevaluate who I really amAm I doing everything to follow your willor just climbing aimlessly over these hillsSo show me what it is you want from meI give everything I surrender...To...

[Chorus]

Time to face upClean this old houseTime to breathe in and let everything outThat I've wanted to say for so many yearsTime to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of meIt feels like chaos but I believeYou're up to something bigger than meLarger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of meIt feels like chaos but now I can seeThis something bigger than meLarger than life something heavenly

Something heavenlyIt's time to face upClean this old houseTime breathe in and let everything out [ Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

Ok... so I prayed for the end of the week to hurry up and come, but never realizing I would actually become ill as the weekend approached. I now have finally been tested to the limit and with all my might I am going to stay strong and know the Lord is going to take care of me. Yesterday was very tough without Ben being here with me. Just got home from a long overnight stay at the hospital with a ton of poking and prodding!!! What I thought were a few mosquito bites turned into huge lesions with so much joint and bone pain throughout my body, that I couldn't hardly walk for the past two day's from all the swelling. They finally came to a conclusion this morning that I have some form of Lupis and am going in tomorrow for further testing. I am feeling not as weak today, thank goodness for drugs, but I can still barely walk from all the swelling. It didn't even occur to me that it was mothers day, until I got a text from Ben this morning, wishing me happy Mother's day. Funny how when your not feeling up to par, you sorta forget what day it even is. So for the moment I am bound to keeping my tootsies elevated and resting for the day, ha! Fat chance of that with Emma and Will and Abbey running circles around me. :) Happy Mothers day to me! Happy Mothers day to all of you that are blessed to be a Mom! Which includes my beautiful Mom and the wonder Mother of my husband.


Several of you have asked if I have a picture of my legs to show people you know who are in the medical field, I will post what what I have on here and let me know what you find out, as they are still stumped by all the results of my blood test and not 100% sure on the diagnosis, as they have never seen a case like this before.

Friday and WORN OUT

It is finally Friday and I feel completely worn out. It seems that I am so good at giving everyone else advice about slowing down and enjoying life, but I don't seem to be able to follow my own directions. I have been burdened by so many things in the past weeks and everything seems to finally be falling into place for Ben and I. Many of you have been praying for our family and our situation with Sarah. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier for Sarah and she has gone through a MAJOR transition this past weekend and I would ask that you continue to pray for peace and understanding for all of us. She is the most precious child and I find myself in tears when I think about how it is her father and I that have caused her so much grief. Divorce simply isn't a solution for children, it seems to be such a trend in today's society and if you don't like one, you try another one. I pray that my children learn from my mistakes and that they will see the love that Ben and I share with one another and know our relationship is the kind of Love God intends for a marriage, you must love the Lord FIRST!

On another note, we GOT A HOUSE at Belvoir! I am excited that we were able to sell our home and also get a house on post at Belvoir the same week. God is GREAT!!!

Our New Home 9919 Rossell Loop, Ft. Belvoir, VA

We will be closing on our home on the 26th here in TN and moving in our new home on June 5th. As Ben says we will be suitcase living for a couple of weeks, but that is perfectly ok, knowing we have a home almost ready for us.

We give praise and thanks to You, O God, we praise and give thanks; Your wondrous works declare that Your Name is near and they who invoke Your Name rehearse Your wonders. Psalm 75: 1

The Beginning of our New Life

This morning, I woke up with so much on my mind that I just gave up trying to sleep. So much on my mind right now and so much going on.

We're supposed to drive up to Virginia today. We're heading over to Knoxville to stay the night with my aunt and uncle and then continue up tomorrow morning to get on the housing list so that I can provide a home for my family. It's VERY scary and if we don't get housing quickly, I don't know what we'll do. With the potential to have LOTS of kids at the house this summer, it will be interesting without a home, but God will provide.

I've got Sarah on my mind and her future. She's so fragile right now. I think yesterday was a big turning point in her life and I hope that she makes the right decision to come stay with us in Virginia. The day that she came and told us that she didn't want to go with us changed my relationship with her. I was so disappointed, but tried to understand her wishes to remain with her dad. Moving is tough on a child at that age. She's my princess and will always be. There are so many opportunities for this beautiful girl in a new state and a new school. I just hope I can re-establish that relationship I once had with her.

I also have Gus on my mind and his future. The mediation 4 days ago went in our favor. The power of prayer is amazing. Just a quick one never hurts. We now have custody of this wonderful child that I have missed with all my heart. He wants to be with his daddy and it's coming together on the positive side for all of us. His brother, Galen, on the other hand, will be remaining with his mother in Indiana. Maybe one day he'll want to be with us, but at this point in his life he has chosen to stay with Mom, and I've granted him his wish. He will be the big brother to his up-coming little sister, and I pray daily that he will do well in the next few years. His mother and I have both agreed to be cordial to each other and keep each other informed of everything that goes on in both boys' lives. I feel very fortunate that she is agreeing to everything, and I honestly wish her the best.

Divorce -- the gift that keeps on giving. The children are the ones that suffer the most and it's so difficult for them to understand.

Today will be my last day at our church. Brother Larry is such an incredible speaker, and unfortunately, it looks like he won't be here today and our marriage counselor will be speaking to us this morning. We've started going to the Family Life Center and listening to Jamie Worley and his band play in the mornings. What a FANTASTIC way to start a worship service. We're so blessed to have some amazing musicians in the church and I will miss them. I just hope that we can find something that compares to this church that has recently changed me and made me think about my future and what it holds for me. I just wish I knew what God was telling me. I'm sure I'll figure it out someday.


~~ Benjamin ~~

TALK ABOUT ALL GROWN UP

Sarah had her first formal dance tonight for her final 8th grade dance before going into high school as Hannah went to her Junior Prom. WOW 4 formal in a month! Not to mention all my babies are growing up. Sarah looks as old as her sister and they are three years apart. It is so difficult to watch your children getting older and not far from being an adult. I honestly thought it would be harder watching the girls go off to college, but lately I have found myself in tears with the thought Tyler is only three weeks away from graduation. Where in the world did the time go?!?!?!

FEAR

Today seemed to be one of the longer days of my life, partly for the fact that I sat in worry about my husband during his mediation and that the lord would give us the answer for all parties. Secondly, I am burdened with something in my life that is forcing me to face my fears. It is hard to understand why the mistakes of your past never seem to disappear, but continue to taunt you forever. Today, was a mountain I am facing with my daughter Sarah. It is up to me to ensure that I don't look back as I am climbing. Some of you who are familiar with what is going on with my little girl, know that I am faced with huge decisions concerning Sarah's future. Pray that I will make the right decisions for her and my family. She is such a beautiful spirit and a joy in my life.

Though a mighty army surrounds me,my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked,I will remain confident.Psalm 27:3

MY BABY IS ALL GROWN UP

Tonight I went to see the Birdsong family at church and had the privilege of holding baby Elly through the concert. She is the most adorable baby and just seeing her sweet little smile brought a flood of memories back to me of the first time I saw Tyler Steven and the nurse placed him in my arms. My how time flies and before you know it, your little one is all grown up. Little Elly was kicking and squirming around, especially when the crowd would clap... her little feet would just get going. It feels like yesterday that Tyler was squirming around on my lap sitting on the church pew. Last night I watched my little one get all dressed up and head off to the Sr. Prom. I was fortunate enough to have the first dance at prom with my son during the mother, son dance and what a handsome man I have raised. I could barely hold back the tears as he looked at me and said, "momma, I am all grown up." I think it was that moment I realized that I could no longer protect him and my prayers will never end for health and well being of my children. I am not sure as a mother we ever stop worrying about our "babies" and I can't imagine every losing any of my children. I stay in constant prayer for the Dossett family and the loss of their son Tyler Steven.

The Lord is really working in Ben and my life these past few weeks and we are about to take a step closer to the next chapter of our life. I am uncertain what God has in store for us, but I am sure that as we leave Clarksville he will use us as ambassadors for his will.

We will walk in faith and wait on his guidance.

Guidance might be summarized by three verbs: Going, Growing, and Waiting. Loving God, others and living in God's direction mean going into the world as Jesus did (John 17:18), growing into the character of Christ (Eph. 4:13), and waiting on Christ's return (Heb. 9:28) and these three verbs, describe our willingness to serve though his guidance.

This reminded me of how it is difficult to get through each day with all the stress in our life right now, however, we have a choice to praise Jesus for all he does. I will continue to rejoice, even when I feel burdened by the stress of my every day life.



The Choice to Rejoice

Habakkuk 3:18......."Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation." During Habakkuk's life he faced a time when he stood to lose everything. We see this in our society today....right now......with our failing economy. We also stand to lose what little we may have on this earth. Habakkuk was about to lose his crops and livestock, which was his means of making a living.

These words "I will" shows his belief that he could "choose" his response to the approaching loss. He could either sink into despair or rejoice in God's redeeming power. Although his decision was not a denial of his pain, it WAS a decision of his trust that God would stay with him and be his strength and enabler.

We also have this same choice every day. Refusing to choose is also a choice. It's an unconscious consent to be "overcome" rather than to be an "overcomer." Loss and pain will happen in this life........but we CAN choose to REJOICE!!

When rough the path from day to day,
When sorrows fill our eyes with tears,
Our choice to find our joy in Christ
Can soothe our soul and calm our fears. (D. DeHaan)

Today I am soooo sad and is one of those days where you ask God why?!?

Carla Dossett lost her son in a car accident this morning I was in the middle of a major meeting with a vendor that our company is going to work with, when I was told and could hardly hold my composure.



I left the room immediately to try and process what I had just heard. I immediately started thinking back to the first day I met Carla, she was a "prospective student" at Draughons and came in to meet with me. She came to the appointment just to tell me that her husband had been laid off work and she couldn't attend school, but needed to find a job. I contacted my Director to help her get on with us and eventually she did. After beginning her career with us, she lost her father shortly after. Now more tragedy comes her way with the loss of her child.



I can't pretend to imagine how she is dealing with this loss, I only can think to pray and know how lucky I am to have my children safe for the moment. This has been such a humbling day for me and I pray for my friend Carla and her family for their loss.

Please pray for the Dossett family as each day will be a struggle for them.

A weekend away, a reflection on my time....

Had a WONDERFUL weekend in GA. Tyler's girlfriend Becca had her Prom so and I spent the weekend with just Ben, Tyler, Becca and her family. It was so nice to escape from reality for a few days to spend some time with some wonderful people and have quality time with my husband away from reality.

We hiked up to the Gause's cabin and soo enjoyed the the outdoors by the creek.

The past week, Ben and I had been very distracted trying to get the house ready and very much neglected our study on fireproofing our marriage. We quickly realized that it is so easy to place everything in your life first, more so than what should be priority. We realized this even more as we sat in class Sunday night and saw first hand how placing your priorities in the wrong place can cause such destruction to a marriage.

Our number one priority should be to worship the Lord and I have failed miserably this week.

Delight yourself in the Lord; and he will give you the desires of the heart.Psalms 37:4

It is amazing that I have so selfishly been asking the Lord to help me find the strength to get the house finished and to help me get it sold, but I have not given him the time that is due to him and he still loves and forgives me.

Thank you Lord for being so patient with me as I am growing.

Another Thought For Today

I shared my thoughts of the weekend and wanted to share another post about some other thoughts today. I am reminded that the closer Ben and I come to Christ, the more difficult life becomes. I feel we are constantly under attack and at trial in our daily walk. I woke up this morning feeling like the weight of the world is on us. Gerus and Galen, my stepson's need much prayer this week. We are going through a legal matter with their mother and the home is unstable and our battle seems uphill, trying to get them in a Christian environment. It seems the same goes for our struggle with our daughter Sarah and convincing her to go with us to VA. My work is overloading me more and more daily and there is no choice but to keep on going with "business as usual." I sometimes feel like I need to just hit my knees and not stop praying. Always out of the blue I am reminded that God is almighty! When I was in basic training I told myself everyday on my 2 mile run that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.

My new verse today is: My God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ JESUS (Phil.4:19)

In my readings tonight Phil. 4:19 spoke to me and helped me to understand that he is all I need and is the answer to all my prayers.

This assuring promise discloses the resources God made available to His people in answer to prayer. In the clear light of this certified promise they have no justifiable excuse for spiritual poverty.
We can think of God’s promise to be a certified check made payable to us the moment we present it for payment. No matter what gracious spiritual and temporal blessings the promise contains, we cannot receive them until we make our requests known unto God in prayer. It is possible to have sufficiency in all things by claiming the riches of God made available to us by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. When Paul said, “My God shall supply all your need,” he is saying, “Christ is all you need.” We are enriched in all things pertaining to life in time and in eternity when we possess Him. Christ is all we ever need to cope with the difficulties and dangers confronting us in the path leading to the Father’s house of many mansions.

Reunion With Friends

It is a typical Monday, all work and no play... WEll I guess that is what I signed up for!!! I am not sure why I always dread Monday's, but for some reason I feel cheated of time when Monday rolls around.



This past weekend was great! I went to the Smokey Mountains with several of my girl friends from high school. It was so nice to reunite, several of them I hadn't seen in 10 and 20 years. We spent all weekend talking, singing karaoke, shopping and talking to the wee hours of the morning. It was really nice to get away with the girls, but I missed my husband and kids more than I thought I would.








Betsy and her mom Carol


It was so wonderful to have Carol, Betsy's mom come with us on the trip. She served more as the "group" mom when we were in high school. I always remembered her guiding us with such gentle words and in such a way that we always understood very clearly what was expected. During our stay, Carol shared some very private details of her life and break up from a 20 year relationship of dating the same man, that never married her. She went on to tell us girls about how, Jerry, her fiance had changed her life in so many ways. Jerry is a retired pastor and Carol said she was hungry her whole life to be with a man that could satisfy her spiritual need. Her message to each of us was very clear still even 20 years later.

I was so excited for the four hour trip home to get to church with Ben for our class. The weekend brought so many things in prospective and made me appreciate him even more. While I was gone, Ben took the kids to the cheer competition, took Hannah's phone to be fixed, took Emma to Abby's birthday party and got everybody rounded up for church. He is truly AMAZING and I just love him more and more daily.

We took some very good friends to the fireproof class with us, Joe and Courtney. They are struggling in their marriage and have just moved back together. They have committed to the 40 days of the love dare with us and we will be in constant prayer for their marriage.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with my husband.

Dare for Day 2

Love is kind... Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Today's dare was in addition to say nothing negative to your spouse today, do at least one unexpected gesture of kindness today.

Although I was feeling completely under the weather today and was home most of the afternoon, I decided to have dinner ready when Ben got home. It seems so often I take for granted the fact that Ben is such a wonderful husband and is always doing the cooking and much of the house work. I rarely have the opportunity to surprise him and give him a break. So today was that special day. I am not sure that I can express to him how much I appreciate all that he does, but I am sure that words will never be enough, so I will continue thorough my actions to try and exceed his expectations as well.

Thank you lord for being so gracious and allowing me to have such a wonderful husband. I only hope that we can share what we learn as an ambassador for others to follow.

Today's scripture reminded me that the Lord forgives me with such a tender heart and never passes judgement on me. Ben and I have struggled with our feelings about the way that our daughter reacted in the past few weeks. It is so important that we remind ourselves that Christ loves us unconditionally and we also should have that unconditional love for our daughter. Thank you Lord for my beautiful children.

For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.Hebrews 8: 12

Day One of the Love Dare, Fireproofing Your Marriage

Yesterday we started a class together at our church, called Fireproofing Your Marriage. Today was our first day of forty. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2 Our dare today was to resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to each other. We learned last night that many times anger is a condition of the heart and that we should be slow to speak and slow to anger.

I am not certain that we failed today's dare, however we were both pretty short and our fuse is about gone. We have had a few tiring weeks with lots of work to do around the house, kids that are relentlessly fighting lately and neither of us seem to have any patience. I guess the good thing about the dare is there is always another one tomorrow and we are lucky that part of tomorrow's dare also repeats today's... another chance. :)

At the end of the day, we still love each other and rely on one another to get through each day.

Hebrews 13:4

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

That was this morning's message and sermon at church. Brother Larry is such an incredible pastor and has been preaching on family topics for the past few weeks. This morning made us think about the way to affair-proof our marriage. He really put it into perspective and made everybody think, and probably made a few people a little bit on the uncomfortable side. Affairs are damaging to a marriage and it is IMPOSSIBLE to recover from infidelity, no matter how much the couple tries. Every Sunday we come away from the sermon with the most amazing feeling of relief knowing that God is talking us in some form. (I just wish we knew what he is saying to us.)

We were reading the bulletin this morning and saw that Brother Terry is starting a new 8-week series on the Fireproof movie and the book "The Love Dare." Christi just bought "The Love Dare" and we read the first chapter last night, so it's comforting knowing that we'll be able to go through the next 8 weeks studying the book and getting some extra insight in our study of the book...

...We just got back from our first lesson on "The Love Dare." After looking back on today, I see that I have failed miserably on my first dare, but fortunately for me, I can start all over tomorrow. The dare was to be slow to anger and say nothing negative to/about your spouse. It's very frustrating dealing with kids that defy you and still have enough perseverance to go through the day without saying anything negative. With all the stressors that we have on ourselves nowadays (kids, house to sell, moving, etc.) I know that the 40 dares will be challenging to complete, but not impossible. We're both looking forward to next week's lesson and I made Christi promise that she would come back early from her reunion with all of her girlfriends from high school. I just hope we can complete the series before moving.

We are so ready to move out of this area and into a new place with a new start. I think the one thing that we will miss the most is our church with which we have become VERY comfortable. I know finding a comparable one will be possible, will take some shopping around and some heavy duty praying.

Looking for the answers...

As we continue to walk in faith, Ben and I are so hungry for more of his word. Today we stumbled on some sad information about our daughter. I almost wanted to hit my knees and ask“Lord WHY?!?” I find myself sitting with this sinking feeling in my stomach, wanting for tomorrow to come, so that I can be richly blessed with the word of God through the voice of my pastor. It is such a feeling of hunger! Every day Ben and I are growing stronger and stronger. I am not sure if this is by default of praying and staying in the word together or just knowing that as we are battling through what feels like war for us right now, is the time when the Lord is carrying us and we just don’t know it.
Isaiah 46:4 Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I will deliver you

We have spent much time today working on the house, trying to complete the MESS! I can’t wait for our “little” project to be done! Yahoo!!! Means the house goes on the market!

The Past Two Weeks

The past few weeks have been some of the most trying times for Ben and me. We are extremely busy and overwhelmed with our daily routine and the battles that come with loving children and not always being able to protect them. There are some days you absolutely want to just give up, but I remind myself that the lord did not give up on his children and we must find the strength to purge forward and not let this cruel world blind us from his plan.
We have been road warriors in the past two weeks… headed to Knoxville to Sarah’s competition. Thanks to Mary Glad and Jimmy we were able to have a relaxing weekend not staying in a hotel. We got to spend time with Andrew and LeAnn for Dinner at O’Charleys. Was nice to see family.

Watching Sarah perform tugged at my heart, knowing how my little girl has changed from this tiny little creature I could protect to a teenage girl who is easily influenced. I couldn’t help but to be saddened by how detached she is becoming from me.

Oh Lord, I pray for you to wrap your arms of protection around my sweet Sarah.
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1.

A New Day

Today I went to Aunt Sarah’s funeral with Ben and Sarah. What a tough day it was to watch my cousins going through so much pain. The service was one of the longest, but most rewarding I have ever been to. Aunt Sarah’s pastor spoke of all her memories in the church, of her family and all she has done for others around her. Her four daughters stood together and sang a beautiful Christian song for her and there wasn’t a single dry eye in the church. It seems every day the lord is speaking to Ben and me through others. I left the graveside services knowing that there is only one purpose for us here on earth and that is to just serve the Lord. I will go to sleep tonight sad, missing someone that was blessing to so many, not understanding why God called her home, but knowing that because of his grace, I will also eventually have the chance to meet my maker and see her again.

On another note, today’s events made me realize how short life can be and you may never have the chance to tell those you love how much they mean to you. I wish so badly I could go back and tell my grandmother and grandfather how much a difference they made in my life. I still find myself hearing my grandfather’s voice guiding me when I can't make a decision. I will regret all my life for not spending more time with them, but will indeed spend every moment of the remainder of my life ensuring that my husband and children know how much I love them.

THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE...

It is so easy to ask why? I am not sure we ever understand how or why someone we love leaves us prematurely. Sarah Elizabeth was a very special person to me. Through the years, she always made sure everyone around her knew where she would stand at judgment day. It seems so cruel to rob the earth of an ambassador of Christ, but oh how the gates of Heaven are singing at this moment.

Aunt Sarah spent her whole life in love with the man she married, my Uncle James. My Aunt and Uncle divorced for all the wrong reasons and regretted it for so many years. Saturday February 21, 2009, Aunt Sarah and Uncle James finally made peace with each other and resolved all of the lost years at their daughter's wedding. One week from that day, on Uncle James and Aunt Sarah's wedding anniversary, Aunt Sarah passed on to God's kingdom. My Uncle was on the phone with her when she took her last breath. WHAT a BEAUTIFUL moment!!! I know now the Lord works in mysterious ways and is constantly keeping us aware that he is in charge.

She is an angel

An Angel is what she is to me

That’s what she was truly meant to be

As her time on earth has past

Her memory will always last

She was put to the ultimate test

Now it’s time for her to rest

So as she goes

Heaven only knows

That she was more

Than you or me

Because an Angel is what

She was truly meant to be

YESTERDAY BROUGHT A NEW TRIAL AND TRIBULATION TO OUR LIFE...

Today isn't such a great day to report, but I know through my faith in Jesus I will come out a stronger person.

Today my 13 year old daughter informed Ben and I that she did not want to travel with us to Virginia in May. This was a complete surprise, as we have been panning out carefully for her new high school and cheer team. She was so excited and this has totally taken us a few steps back. It was a tormenting moment for me, knowing my unsaved daughter could possibly live in a home where they don't worship the Lord.

When speaking to my daughter’s father, he criticized me for being "selfish" and educating myself. He said I robbed my children of giving them the opportunity to bond with them, instead I chose school and work. Somehow I feel at fault and guilty either way for wanting my children to have a good life and be a model for them. It is never easy being a single mom trying to provide.

Today I felt after a 2 hour conversation with my daughter's father that I became under fire and attack.

In reflection...

How often as Christians do we come under fire? Should we bear the brunt of the insults and smile or should we go cursing and hating the whole world? This is another test to pass in this Christian school we call our lives. We Christians are at times always trying to do something significant, trying to climb the social ladder. Such people do become vulnerable to criticism. So does that mean we just sit back in our chairs and do nothing? Our desire is to do the will of God, which includes being loving and respectful to all people. If we have done this, it can be enough. Criticism will not touch us. God will make sure that this criticism will be used for our ultimate good. Our character becomes particularly important if we decide to stick to the truth and come under fire. Let this not worry us. The Holy Spirit will show us the way out. All it requires is to be trustworthy and faithful.

The Lord is close to the broken hearted and and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

THE WEEKEND

This weekend has been absolutely wonderful! Ben and I have spent family time together. Friday evening I snuck home early and we went to dinner with some friends without the kido's. Saturday evening was full of fun at Lori's house with high school friends for a food, fun and games.

Sunday was full of fun after church. We had Chinese for lunch with friends and then the kids did karaoke at Colby's. We were all rolling!!!

Sunday evening we went to our marriage class... what an epiphany we had. Just when we thought we had it perfect, Ben and I walked away realizing we have not been giving each other everything we should as a couple. The sermon today had already began our conversation about putting God first and then our marriage next... it is so amazing how many things you overlook when it is brought to your attention.


Today was a GREAT day for us as a married couple!

Coming Home

There is nothing like heading home to your family. I have been away at a accreditation visit for ITT High Point, NC. It has been an interesting visit to say the least. I always have great meals on the trip with ACICS, this time I ventured out and had Salmon. Ben, I am sure is proud of me, since he has been trying forever to get me to try it.





Sitting in the airport, you always seem to have more time to think about how much you miss the people you love. Every time I am apart from Ben I realize how much I value him and remind myslef over and over how lucky I am.








Reflecting back on the past days, Ben has been home with the kido's, most likely praying that I will come home quick. He has not felt well for a week and Will is just getting over the flu. The week has been long for both of us... but I am headed home. :)

1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

Today is the first day of blogging my journey of my walk in faith with my husband Ben. The lord has richly blessed me in every way possible in my life. On November 17, 2007 I married Benjamin Paul Hays and blindly took a leap of faith and made a commitment to Christ that I would return my heart and soul to him. The first year of our marriage, I spent many countless nights on my knees praying for the strength to get me through Ben’s deployment to Afghanistan. It by far was the hardest test of my faith. I kept in constant prayer that the Lord would return my husband to me. It seemed to be the longest year of my life, What a wonderful way to celebrate the birth of Christ with a gift of having my husband returned to me safely! The best Christmas I have ever had! The whole family was home!














As the New Year has started, Ben and I have committed to start the first “real” year of marriage together, growing in Christ. We are attending a marriage class at Hilldale Baptist Church, led by Bro. Terry Brown. We are so excited to have some foundations to begin our journey together. Bro Terry also was who conducted our marriage counseling and helped us make the decision that God had chose us for each other. We will follow together…

Thank you Lord for my husband… I am richly blessed